


I Will Always Care for You

by aweewah



Category: Bandom, Paramore, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Drama, Gen, Making Up, Paramore (Band), Past Relationship(s), Platonic Relationships, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aweewah/pseuds/aweewah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Farro listened to Paramore's newest album.</p><p>Everyone knows what happened when he and his brother left the band. How bitter and emotional he was. How it affected the girl he used to be so close to. Though he had since moved on and is working on music of his own, he knew there was one thing he still needed to do.</p><p>Hayley Williams had arrived in Tennessee to visit her mother. While she was in town, she got a call from the one boy she never thought she'd hear from again. Painful memories came back to her at the sound of his voice, but she agreed to meet up with him.</p><p>Their relationship was broken. It had been broken for years.</p><p>But it wasn't too late to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Releases and Old Memories

Josh felt as if he couldn't move. As if he couldn't blink. As if he couldn't  _speak_.  
  
He was at home, sitting on the couch and staring straight ahead. His hand was set on the arm of the seat, yet it was closed in a tight fist while the other hand was resting on his knee. Jenna wasn't home, so he had the house to himself and the only noise that was heard around the place was the television. However, he wasn't  _watching_  anything. Since he didn't have anything to play CDs, he used the DVD player for that. Listening to music always was a way for people to calm their minds and help them relax. It gave people an escape and the rhythms and lyrics moved them in different ways.  
  
And boy, was this album moving. This album he had recently bought had seventeen tracks and ran for about sixty-four minutes. As for the band, he had been listening to them for years, watched them grow and progress from being a small-town group into something that many people looked up to and adored. He used to adore them, too. Possibly more than anybody else.  
  
After all, he was once apart of that band.  
  
Paramore's newest album was inside his DVD player and all it took for that to happen was an impromptu trip to the CD store. The day started out as a normal Saturday with him driving around town and running errands. He was pretty content that morning since he had a good night's rest and the season of spring also added to that. Josh was in such a good mood that he finished his errands earlier than he expected, but he didn't want to go home just yet. He knew he'd be passing the CD store on the way back, so he thought why not? It wasn't like he had anything else to do and there was absolutely nothing wrong with getting more music.  
  
Once he got there, he walked through the aisles, trying to think of what he felt like buying. The used section was always the first place he checked, but his selections were unfortunately limited and he didn't find anything that caught his interest. He moved on to look elsewhere, thinking of possibly buying a band or artist entirely new to him. However, when he was near the front of the store again, he froze after spotting something in the corner of his eye. It was the "New Releases" shelf and he stood in front of it, looking at the CD at the top.  
  
There it was, the album he knew he'd end up seeing someday. He stared at the three familiar faces on the cover, noticing that only two of them were looking back at him.  _She_  was the only one looking away, but he told himself not to look into that fact too much. That shouldn't bother him.  
  
Before he was really aware of what he was doing, he lifted a hand up and reached for it. His fingers gingerly touched it and when he did that, he immediately pulled his hand away and glanced around. Josh then shook his head and let out an exasperated sigh, wondering why he was acting as if he was committing a crime. All he was going to do was look at it. Just look.  
  
After finally taking it away from the shelf, he held the plastic case in his two hands, yet only by his fingertips as he still felt like he couldn't fully touch the item. He stared at the faces again, but mostly focused on hers and he was unable to even look away. To get out of this ridiculous trance, he quickly turned the case over to look at the back, deciding to read over the track list. He read each song name slowly and mouthed them, but not too loud so other people could hear him.  
  
So many things were going through his mind. This was really the first album without him and Zac. After that whole event of why the two brothers had left, there was no doubt that Paramore was going to address that. Just by reading the song titles, Josh could already tell it was going to be the main topic of some of them. He wondered what she could've written and then he started to wonder what the songs sounded like and how much their sound had changed. Would they sound any different and would they even sound good? Maybe they'd sound worse or even better than they did before. With all these thoughts filling up his head, he knew he couldn't just put the CD back down and walk away like it was nothing because he was now curious. He had already formed these questions and the only way for him to find the answers was to listen to this album.  
  
Which is why he suddenly ended up at the counter and purchased it, very relieved that nobody in the store recognized him. He closely held the bag to his chest as he rushed toward his car. The bag was put in the passenger seat and he started his car and headed home, wanting to get there as quick as possible. Though he could have listened to it in the car, he knew that would only distract him from driving. He wanted his full attention on the road and once he was at the house, he'd focus his attention on the music. Josh wanted to make sure he heard everything when he pressed play.  
  
When he got home, it then occurred to him that he didn't know what he would use to play the CD. His old CD player got thrown out ages ago and with technology moving forward, he never really got a new one. Another option was his laptop, but it got a nasty virus a few weeks back and he also hadn't replaced that. But then he remembered that he still had the DVD player and that he had once used it to listen to some CDs of his. Going into the living room, he took the CD out of the bag and tore off the plastic that covered it. He bent down to turn on the television and pressed the button that opened the DVD player. After getting off the annoying stickers on the sides of the case that kept him from opening it, he took the disc and put it into the DVD player.  
  
Josh stepped back and sat down on the couch, preparing himself for what he was about to hear. He set the case down next to him and looked at the list of songs again, silently reading the first song's title. The music had started and he darted his eyes back to the screen. It was black, something that always happened when a DVD player was just playing music and he liked it that way. That gave him something blank to stare at. If he kept his eyes on the screen, he wouldn't be distracted and could listen to everything. The lyrics, the rhythms, her voice. All of it.  
  
The first song opened up with drums, soon followed by a guitar. At hearing these two things, what first came to his mind was how that used to be Zac on drums and Josh himself was the guitarist. He didn't know who was currently taking over his brother's part, but he knew who was on guitar. That was Taylor playing. Taylor was the lead guitarist now. Then he listened for the bass, wanting to hear Jeremy as well. So far, the both of them sounded good and before he knew it, the instrumental was finally joined by her vocals.  
  
 _Been through the wringer a couple times,_  she sang. Her voice was already playing inside his head. It had been about three years since he heard her sing and to hear it now, he wasn't afraid to admit that she also sounded as good as she had always been. For those first few lines she sang, he focused only on how she said the words and it felt as if he could only hear her, the rest of the music fading. But then he reminded himself that he should also try to listen to  _what_  she was singing because he wanted to know exactly how she was feeling and exactly how long it would take for the lyrics to hit him.  
  
 _Hollowed out and filled up with hate._  
  
That's when Josh started to make a fist. It also didn't help that she delivered that line in a monotonous tone. A few lines back, she already mentioned how they "had to learn how to deal", which was an obvious reference to the brothers leaving and then she stated that they're filled up with hate. He didn't make a fist because he was angry. It was just his way of trying to stay cool and collected because the words were already starting to hit him and he wasn't even halfway through the first song.  
  
The next song had a rebellious tone to it, which was definitely shown in the chorus. She sang about demanding a future and how she wasn't going to just sit there and do nothing. During the bridge, she straight up said,  _There's a time and a place to die and this ain't it_. That was just like her to say something like that and Josh nodded at these words, remembering the kind of person she was.  
  
The third and fourth songs were lighter and softer than the first two. Not sounding angry as much, but still containing lyrics that Josh couldn't really sit with well. There was a line in the third song where she said that she had to grow up and in order to do that, she had to leave behind whoever she was addressing in that track. Three guesses to how he interpreted that.  
  
It was just her voice and a ukulele for the fifth song. According to the track list, it was one of the three interludes and the title of this one was the first one that caught his eye when he read the list. It was titled "Moving On" and it was the only one that he was absolutely certain was about him and Zac.  
  
She sang in an upbeat and happy tone while Taylor strummed away on that ukulele of his. This made the song seem less harsh than it really was, but it punched Josh nonetheless.  
  
 _Let 'em spill their guts, 'cause one day they're gonna slip on 'em._  
  
Ouch. Her voice really wasn't making it any better, especially when she said "guts". The emphasis she put on the word was her throwing the punch.  
  
 _Well, I could be angry, but you're not worth the fight. And besides, I'm moving on._  
  
This song was only a minute long. Maybe a minute and a half at the most, yet it was the one that really affected him so far. He was only five songs in, but he was going to hear the rest, no matter what. There was a lot he still had to listen to.  
  
And how was it that her voice still mesmerized him? The sixth song had a sarcastic message of living in the real world and being all alone, but her voice just bounced and gave the song a fun and lively mood along with the poppier and cleaner sound that he wasn't used to. Halfway through, a gospel choir joined in and her vocals became more soulful and beautiful. It astounded Josh how versatile she could be.  
  
Picking up the case again, he raised an eyebrow at the name of the next song. All it said was "Part II". To what? Apparently this was some sort of sequel to a previous number, but it didn't specify which track. He leaned forward as the seventh song started playing, noticing that it wasn't going to be one of the more poppier ones. It was closer to their old sound and he guessed that maybe it wasn't a sequel to one of the songs on  _this_  album. Could it possibly be one to an old song? Hopefully, the lyrics would help him figure that out.  
  
Right away, the first line that came out her mouth indicated that it definitely was a second part to one of their older songs.  
  
 _What a shame we all remain such fragile, broken things._  
  
His fist tightened. He'd recognize those lyrics anywhere and he didn't even need to hear the whole line to know that this was a sequel to "Let the Flames Begin". Old memories were already coming back to him and he took a deep breath and continued to listen, having a feeling that this was going to hit him much harder than the interlude did.  
  
A part two. A part two to a song from their album  _Riot!_ , back when Josh and Zac were in the band. When everything seemed so great for all of them because they were getting the recognition they never expected to get. They were all happy and young, excited to be making their dreams come true. Jeremy, who had left the band for a while, had came back and they were all together again. Josh was with her, completely in love, and he didn't want to be with anyone else. All of this was before the issues, the arguments, and the canceling of tour dates. The close-knitted relationship of the band started to falter after that album.  
  
 _A beauty half-betrayed, butterflies with punctured wings…_  
  
Yet another line to remind him of the past. He saw the mention of the half-betrayal and butterflies as a reference to  _Brand New Eyes_. Their third album and the last one they all recorded together before the brothers left. That was when they thought they worked through their problems. It seemed like things were getting better for them and that they were closer than ever. Funny how all that worked out.  
  
This song, like its predecessor, still had the same message of holding onto faith. However, it seemed more personal and had a darker feel to it. There were themes of struggling, lost trust, and loneliness all in just this one song. It was more hopeless compared to "Let the Flames Begin" and Josh honestly thought it was painful to hear the desperation in her voice in the chorus. He shut his eyes, not sure if he really wanted to keep listening and he thought about getting up to turn off the television. This was a bad idea and he never should've bought the album in the first place. What made him think that he was able to handle this?  
  
He stood up and walked over to the television as the song went into an instrumental break. His index finger was on the power button, but he couldn't get himself to press it for some reason. Josh didn't know why, but he still wanted to keep listening and as much as it hurt him to be hearing these lyrics, he didn't want to stop. He froze and did nothing, the television still on and the music still playing. Seeing that he was just wasting his time and not going through with shutting it off, he took his hand off the button and walked back to the couch to sit back down.  
  
She sang another verse and because of this verse, the song actually didn't end on a negative note. The hope was slim, but it was still there and they established that faith really  _was_ important to them. Finally, that song came to an end and he waited to see what song would follow.  
  
The song after was almost like a continuation of having little hope. It was slower and longer, her voice sounding vulnerable. But it wasn't a sad song. It was a way for them to say they could get past the rough times. This was a lot more hopeful than "Part II" was and he was able to breathe easy again, even if a part of him felt a little sad.  
  
Surprisingly, he actually recognized the next song. He heard it a few times on the radio, but never listened to it in its entirety for reasons that he didn't have to explain. This was the big single from them that was practically everywhere, so it was nearly impossible for him to avoid it. Since he was actually paying attention to the track this time, he realized that it took the album a total of nine songs for him to hear something from them that was truly and legitimately happy.  
  
 _But when our fingers interlock, can't deny you're worth it._  
  
It was a straight-forward love song. Something way idealistic compared to the past songs and the other albums. Obviously, this song was written for Chad Gilbert, her long time boyfriend. The guy that came along and swept her off her feet after she and Josh broke up. Josh remembered when they started dating and how he even had a talk with Chad, wanting to make sure that he treated her right and took care of her. According to how giddy and happy she was in this song, Chad was doing a good job.  
  
 _After all this time, I'm still into you._  
  
Josh wondered how things would've been if he was still with her. Would she have written this kind of song for him or would the song be… _not_  as straight-forward and giddy, but still a love song? Considering their history, the latter was more possible. How would this whole album even be if they were still together and if he and Zac were still apart of the band? No. No, he shouldn't be thinking about this. She was in a healthy relationship and Josh was married to Jenna. He didn't even know why that came up. This album was messing up his thought process.  
  
From then on, the songs afterwards got happier. The tenth song that had their old sound played and even included laughter at the end. The second interlude was about her taking a holiday and her sunny attitude and sugary tone matched with the lyrics. The twelfth song was even another nice little love song for Chad. While the first half of the album was dealing with the Farro brothers' departure, the second half was about Paramore growing up and having brighter days.  
  
And of course, what was a Paramore album without at least one ballad? The thirteenth song was titled "Hate to See Your Heart Break" and her voice was gentle and soft. The whole meaning behind the song was how she appeared to be telling someone that she hated to see them go through heartbreak and that she was empathetic to their situation.  
  
 _I hate to see your heart break. I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close, but I've been there before._  
  
"I've been there before, too," Josh muttered. It was like she was singing to him and that was about the only thing he said during this.

This was arguably the softest song from them yet. It had a bit of a country style to it and there was a string arrangement that made it even more of a ballad. He leaned back on the couch, actually relaxing as he listened to it. Not only was her voice mesmerizing, but whenever she sang like this, he also found her voice soothing.  
  
The ballad was then over and followed by a song that seemed like it came straight from a sixties pop group. It told an interesting story about a girl trying all she could to get her boyfriend back, taking extreme actions such as breaking into his house and going into his closet just so she could smell his skin. Josh was amused by the whole thing and how she showed her humorous side in it, admitting that she was "one of those crazy girls" by the end. To him, he always saw her as a crazy girl, but he meant it in a different way. A good way.  
  
 _It depends on the day, the extent of all my worthless rage; I'm not angry anymore._  
  
The ukulele returned and the words caught his attention again. For the third and final interlude, she claimed not to be as angry and bitter as she used to be and after all these songs, he believed what she was singing. She wasn't angry anymore.  
  
Two songs were left. How much time had passed anyway? He looked at the track list in disbelief since he was surprised with himself for sitting there for almost an hour listening to this. Well, he made it this far and there was no reason for him to stop, so he listened on. The penultimate song was once again another love song with the style of old Paramore. Just another reminder that her mood had changed and she wanted to assure people that they didn't want to be so negative anymore. Josh understood her loud and clear.  
  
At last, he had reached the final song. It began with light guitar and her tranquil voice again, singing about the future and following dreams. She only sang a few verses, then her vocals took a step back while the drums kicked in and the distorted guitars took over. The rest of the song was instrumental, completely free of lyrics and went on for a while. This was the longest song from the album and Taylor's guitar playing was amazing. The whole atmosphere of the song was a mixture of gentle and aggressive. It was a really intriguing way for them to conclude the album and to him, it worked well.  
  
The song faded and it was then just Josh sitting there in silence. He wasn't sure what to do, only getting up to eject the CD and turn off the DVD player. He picked up the case and put the disc back in while a lot of thoughts entered his mind again. The overall theme of the whole album was about growing up and moving on. He realized that they were okay after all, but deep down he knew things weren't all good.  
  
There was still one thing that needed to be done.

 

* * *

 

Josh was driving around again, only because he felt like he needed some fresh air. It felt like he had been driving for a while, just mindlessly going place to place to clear his head. Jenna called him earlier and told him that she was going to be home soon and he knew he should be getting home himself so she didn't have to worry.  
  
And yet he was still driving. Halfway through, he wasn't even just driving around anymore. He actually had a destination and despite the sun starting to set, he wasn't going to stop until he got where he wanted to be.  
  
After a few more minutes, he pulled his car to a stop. He was in a neighborhood and his car was parked at the curb. Josh turned to his left and looked at the house that was across the street. It was a familiar house, a house that he used to always go to and where he spent most of his days there. Looking at the home, he noticed that it still looked the same and he was filled with nostalgia. Wait, why was he even here?  
  
It was  _her_  house.  
  
She used to live here, but not anymore. This was still her mother's residence and by the looks of it, nobody seemed to be home at the moment. Josh couldn't believe he had driven to this place, but something in his subconscious told him to drive there. Maybe because the album brought old memories and he was still thinking about those old memories. Of course, it could also be because he secretly wished she still lived there.  
  
For months, he had thought of talking to her. He had thought of talking to any of them because he also wasn't angry anymore. But still, they haven't made contact with him and he was close to just letting it go and taking responsibility for what he had done. Except it wasn't so easy to let things go like that. But if they weren't so mad, couldn't they at least say something?  
  
Suddenly, he saw headlights from down the street and the car parked in the driveway of her home. Someone stepped out of the driver's seat and he recognized the person as her mother. Two girls came out from the back seats, happily chatting with each other and bouncing with excitement. Her younger sisters. The family had arrived home.  
  
But there was someone else with them. They came out the passenger's seat and once they walked out, the two sisters went by their side and put their arms around the figure. Even though it had gotten darker, Josh could still make out their faces. When he got a good view of the person's face, his eyes went wide and he gripped the steering wheel. He found it difficult to breathe again and he shook his head to make sure he was really seeing things right.  
  
This person had bright colored hair. One half of her locks were bright orange while the other half was pink. She wasn't much taller than the two sisters, her height maybe around five feet and she had a big smile on her face. An all too familiar face and a smile that he could never forget.  
  
It was Hayley Williams. She was currently in town to visit her mother and sisters.  
  
And there was Josh, right across the street from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all! Decided to attempt something different here.
> 
> I've had this idea in my head for a while ever since I myself have listened to Paramore's wonderful new album, but never knew how to start this. This happens when any band loses their members and releases a new album. We always think, "I wonder how so and so reacted to this since it's the first album without them." This is my take on how I think Josh Farro would react. Sorry for putting you through this, Josh.
> 
> Did quite a bit of research for this and worked really hard on this. I hope you all like it so far. More will come soon. For now, let me know what you all think!
> 
> -Aliya


	2. Hello Again

Despite not getting an earlier flight, Hayley couldn't be happier to be back in Tennessee. Though it was great that their new album was released and they did all these different interviews, photoshoots, and performances, she was glad to have some time to see her family. A week ago, she called her mother, Cristi, to tell her that she would be visiting and her mother went on and on about how delighted she was at the news. It was about time Hayley got some relaxation. Jeremy and Taylor were also planning on coming home as well, but they'd be there in a few days after her.  
  
She wanted to be there in the morning so she'd have the whole day to spend with them, but the flight she ended up with wasn't so bad. It wasn't like it was too late and she got there a little before sunset, so it was no big deal. As long as the plane touched the ground safely, everyone was cool with it. Apparently, Mrs. Williams kept the visit a secret to Erica and McKayla because when Hayley got picked up at the airport, the two girls had surprised looks on their faces and joyfully screamed. They jumped out the car, ran over to their sister, and pretty much tackled her with hugs.  
  
As they embraced her, they repeatedly yelled "I can't believe you're here!" and just squeezed her tighter. After being pried away by their mother so she could also hug her daughter, the girls told Hayley that Cristi said to them that she was going to pick up their aunt and that they needed to come along. Hayley laughed at this, secretly wishing that she videotaped their reactions. She grinned widely as she put her luggage in the trunk and listened to her sisters planning out all the things they wanted to do with her. It was great to be home and she missed them all a lot.  
  
"So, how was your flight?" Cristi asked as everyone got back into the car.  
  
"Oh, it was good. Went by pretty fast," Hayley put her seat belt on and turned to her sisters in the back. "Sorry I couldn't come earlier, guys. I wanted us to have the whole day together."  
  
"Hey, I'm just glad you're even home," Erica grinned. "Better to have you here late than not at all."  
  
"Aw, if we knew we were going to pick you up," McKayla pouted. "We could've brought your new album along to listen to it in the car."  
  
"I'm actually surprised you girls didn't," Cristi chuckled and then lowered her voice to speak only to Hayley. "They've been listening to it non-stop. I'm not even sure if they've listened to anything else in the past few weeks."  
  
"Well, when we get home, we'll definitely listen to it," Hayley assured them with a smile.  
  
They were her biggest fans and that always brought a smile to her face. Her father and mother, too. Not to mention, Cristi was also the best life coach she could ever ask for. Just her whole family was so supportive and that was the main thing she missed about living in Franklin. Los Angeles was nice and all, but it would never compare to the place she truly called home.  
  
Finally, they made it to the house and Hayley was looking forward to the next few days the more she thought about it. Erica and McKayla were telling her all about their opinion of the album, raving about all the songs and which ones were their favorites. Hayley also decided to mention that Jeremy and Taylor were going to be joining them as well and the girls got excited all over again. When they got out the car, they gave her more hugs and once again told her how great it was for her to be there before helping her get her stuff.  
  
While they were doing this, Hayley saw that there was a car parked across the street. It was blocking the driveway of the house it was in front of and there appeared to be a figure inside it. Whoever was in the car, the person looked as if their head was turned toward her and she had a feeling she was being watched. Her eyes narrowed, trying to distinguish who they were, but the streetlight created a glare and she couldn't get a proper view of their face. For a moment, she could've sworn she caught a glimpse of them when their head moved.  
  
 _Is that…_  
  
"Hayley?"  
  
She spun around to see her mother standing in the doorway of the house, her arms crossed and a puzzled expression on her face. Her sisters were already in the living room and she realized that she was the only one outside.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are you coming inside?" she asked.  
  
Hayley nodded and turned to face the car again, only to find that the person inside it had started the vehicle and drove off. She watched it leave until it was no longer visible and then headed into the house, trying not to think about who that could've been.  
  


* * *

  
Josh knew he wasn't supposed to be there, but he couldn't stop looking at her. This wasn't just her picture on some album cover or magazine advertisement or her in a music video. Hayley was here, in  _person_ , in Tennessee. This was pretty much the first time in three years Josh was in close proximity to her. If he were to get out the car, all he had to do was walk about twenty steps to get to her and they'd be face to face.  
  
And then she'd most likely slap him. Or punch him. Or both.  
  
Well, maybe she wouldn't do something as violent, but at the sight of Josh, her reaction wasn't going to be a positive one. It wasn't like they would immediately chat and laugh as if it was only a few days since they've seen each other. They hadn't talked in three whole years and it was because he was unhappy, left the band, and posted a blog to explain why he was upset in full detail. He burned bridges; it tore the fans apart. People took sides, Zac didn't know what to think, and it was such a surprising event that hardly anyone could live it down.  
  
It took him a while to decide this, but he tried to rebuild that bridge and it was unsuccessful so far. This dated back to almost a year ago when he went over to Zac's place, telling his brother that it was about time he made amends. He was still going to stand by what he believed, but he didn't want there to be any tension. He wanted to move forward and make peace with them, even though he was their least favorite person in the world.  
  
He still hadn't talked to them. He tried to contact them numerous times, but got nothing. Making peace was harder than he thought and Josh started to think that he deserved to be getting the silent treatment. He wasn't exactly saying he was wrong for what he had done, but he realized that maybe he could have dealt with it differently without causing so much damage. And because of this damage, he couldn't just open that car door and walk out to her. She wouldn't want to talk to him, no matter how hard he tried. So all he could do was sit in silence again and look out the window at the girl who was once so important in his life.  
  
This was cut short when he noticed that she was staring in his direction, a look of a curiosity in her eyes. When she took a step forward, Josh turned his head the other way in fear that she would be able to see his face. He panicked a little when she took another step, but then heard the sound of Mrs. Williams' voice that caused Hayley to turn around and gave a Josh a chance to start his car and drive away from there as quick as possible.  
  
Josh breathed a sigh of relief that she got called inside at the last minute. He couldn't imagine how messy things would have gotten if he got caught. Then again, did she already catch him? Did she see his face? It was obvious that she suspected something because she looked like she was going to walk up to the car and that was a very close call. He cursed under his breath for doing a stupid act that day and he had no idea what was the point of him going there when he didn't even do anything.  
  
When he was at a stoplight, he decided to check his phone for a moment to push all thoughts of what just happened out of his head. He frowned when he saw that he got a few missed calls from Jenna and even more missed calls from Zac. Seeing how many times Jenna had called actually made sense because he didn't tell her that he was out, but he didn't know why Zac was trying to get a hold of him. However, it also made sense that she probably gave up on calling Josh and called his brother to see if Josh was over there.  
  
They were probably worried about him, which made him want to get home even faster. Upon arriving home, he saw that Jenna's car wasn't the only one parked in the driveway. Right away, he recognized the car as Zac's and he reluctantly stepped out of his car. He was hesitant to walk through the front door, sensing that things were not going to get any easier for him tonight.  
  
He unlocked the door and slowly got inside. "Uh, hello?"  
  
At hearing his voice, Jenna came from the living room and was followed by Zac. The both of them walked over to Josh and that's when she wrapped her arms around him while Zac just stood there with one hand behind his back.  
  
"Thank goodness you're home!" she exclaimed. "We've been trying to call you and you didn't answer. Where have you been?"  
  
"Oh, I-I was just, uh," Josh stuttered. "I was just running a bunch of these errands I had. They, uh, they took a while to finish."  
  
Jenna let go of him and raised an eyebrow, slightly tilting her head to the side. Zac looked away and ran his hand through his hair.  
  
"Look," Zac finally spoke. "I think we need to talk."  
  
"Talk?" Josh repeated, hoping he wasn't going to hear the worst. "Talk about what?"  
  
At his question, Jenna and Zac just exchanged glances before Zac finally revealed what he had been hiding behind his back: the album.  
  
"It was on the couch when Jenna came home," his brother said. "We're guessing this is the reason why you've been gone all day."  
  
 _Shit_. Josh's eyes went wide and his knees started to feel weak. Did he start to sweat, too? It was definitely not a good night for him. He wanted to open that front door again and run away from the house as fast as he possibly could. Of all things to happen, this was possibly the most awkward situation he could be in and he was mad at himself for leaving that stupid CD out in the open where someone could find it. If he was actually smart, he would've hid it somewhere and the rest of the day would have ended fine.  
  
"Josh, are you okay?"  
  
But he had to be honest with them. It wasn't right for him to lie and if there was anyone he could talk to about what he had done earlier that day and how much it affected him, it would be them. It wasn't like him to hide something from Jenna and Zac was his brother and was always understanding. Without a word, Josh walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. They followed him back into the living room and sat on both sides of him.  
  
"I'm not okay," Josh began. "Actually, I'm all over the place right now. I went to the store today and the CD was right there on the shelf. I tried to ignore it; I really did. But once I saw it, I couldn't stop thinking about it and so I bought the album. I took it home and listened to the whole thing and I just…I didn't know it would hurt so much, but it did. And the reason why I was gone? I drove around town and ended up at  _her_  old place, almost as if I was going to do something. When I realized that I wasn't, I decided to come home and here I am."  
  
He didn't bring up that one crucial detail of Hayley being there just yet. Instead, he buried his face in his hands, out of breath from saying so much and exhausted from driving himself crazy the whole day. He just wanted to get things over with already and get the rest he deserved. Though he needed sleep, he also needed to talk to someone. He had no choice but to talk at the moment anyway.  
  
Zac put on hand on his shoulder, wondering what he could say to his brother without his words sounding useless. Jenna simply held his hand and gave him a look of concern.  
  
She opened her mouth, speaking in a gentle voice. "I know it must've been hard for you to listen to that CD."  
  
"She had so many things to say to us," Josh murmured. "I heard it all. And yet I have so many things to say back and they don't even want to hear it."  
  
"Sooner or later, you'll be able to talk to them," Zac told him. "I don't know when, but you will eventually."  
  
"I think I could talk to her now. I  _know_  I could."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I saw her."  
  
"What?" Zac said in disbelief. "You saw her today? Here?"  
  
"When I went to the house, I saw her with her family when they got home," Josh replied. "She's visiting."  
  
Zac was overwhelmed with everything that Josh was telling him and this was something big. Deep down, he knew what his brother was intending to do now that he found out Hayley was in town. Josh saw this as his opportunity to finally confront her and if that was what he really wanted to do and if Jenna was okay with it, he wasn't going to stop him.  
  
"I was right there," Josh went on. "I could've gotten out of the car and talk to her. I could've done what I've been trying to do for a while. But instead, I…drove off."  
  
"Josh," Jenna lifted her hand to cup his cheek. "I think you  _should_  talk to her."  
  
He looked at her. "R-Really?"  
  
"You've been bothered by this for months," she said. "Maybe not so much that it's obvious, but a small part of you has been thinking about it. I know how you've been wanting to set things right and in order to do that, you have to talk to her. Do what you have to do. I understand."  
  
He pressed his forehead to hers and managed to give her a weak smile. "Okay."  
  
Their lips met and he felt a little bit relaxed. He was thankful that she was also understanding and he was glad that he was honest with the both of them. Zac gave him a look that said he agreed with her and Josh nodded back, letting his brother know that he really meant what he said.  
  
He was going to go through with this.  
  


* * *

  
It was nice to know that Hayley's old room was still kind of her room in a way. While she took all her pictures and decorations with her when she left for Los Angeles, the things that were too big for her to bring were still there. Like the mirrored vanity table set that she loved so much where she used to experiment with all kinds of makeup. It was still in the same place, right next to her bed and when Hayley went into her room to put her luggage in it, she saw that her sisters put their own pictures at the top of the mirror. Old pictures of them together that she didn't have and even more recent pictures of Hayley performing on stage.  
  
Her mother kept the room nice and clean, which was something Hayley wasn't really good at. The furniture was dusted, the bed was made, and the floor was vacuumed. She enjoyed the feeling of a clean room and sat down on her bed. The same comfortable bed she slept on for years.  
  
As she was looking at the pictures on the mirror, there was a knock on the door and in came her sisters. McKayla sat on the chair in front of the vanity table while Erica sat down on the bed beside Hayley.  
  
"Looking at the pics we put?" Erica asked.  
  
"Yeah, I love them," Hayley pointed to the concert pictures. "I like how I don't look as sweaty in these."  
  
McKayla laughed. "I picked those out. We wanted to decorate this mirror because we thought it looked boring."  
  
"Well, I'm happy you guys decorated it," Hayley smiled. "It reminds me how much I love to be home and how much I missed you two."  
  
"You should just move back here," McKayla joined them on the bed. "That way you won't have to miss us anymore."  
  
Hayley put an arm around McKayla. "I wish it was that easy. But I had to move away and I had to figure myself out. I had to grow up, but you know I'll always be here for you."  
  
"Some of us have to grow up sometimes," Erica said as she leaned on Hayley's shoulder and they all laughed, realizing that she just quoted one of Paramore's songs.  
  
"I like that song," McKayla grinned. "Your album is the best."  
  
"Well, I don't know about it being the best," Hayley said. "But it's nice to know you like it."  
  
She admitted, it was hard at first when she left. To move all the way to California was a really big step, but it gave her a different perspective. She liked the choice she made, even if it meant being far away from the people she cared about. Growing up was hard and terrifying at times, but it was worth it. When she grew up, she also became a lot stronger.  
  
"Come on," Hayley got off the bed. "Let's go listen to it now."  
  
They played it in the living room while Hayley decided to help her mother out with dinner. One of the things she learned to do when she started living on her own was how to cook a meal for herself and Cristi was impressed by how her daughter was more experienced when it came to being in the kitchen. It was a nice dinner they had together. She told them how things were like when they were in the studio recording the album while they told her how things were at home. Her mother told her how things were going great with life coaching and her sisters went on about school.  
  
Hayley offered to wash the dishes since it was the least she could do. The girls continued to play the album and her mother suggested they watch a movie afterwards. She was excited about all of this, already enjoying her time there and being with family.  
  
Suddenly, the phone rang. How her mother still had a house phone, she didn't know and it was surprising that someone would be calling it. Since no one was around and the phone was in the kitchen, she turned off the sink and decided to answer it herself.  
  
"Hello?" she said when she put the phone to her ear.  
  
There was no immediate response at first, but she did hear breathing. Maybe it was some stranger who got the wrong number or something.  
  
She still stayed on the phone. "Hello? Who is this?"  
  
The voice spoke. "Hayley…"  
  
She knew that voice. How could she possibly forget that voice? At the sound of her name coming from this person's mouth, her hand started to shake and she almost dropped the phone on the floor. This couldn't be happening. Not when it's been three years and especially not after she thought she would never hear this voice again.  
  
It was Josh. Josh Farro was on the phone.  
  
Not only was she shocked, but she was also confused. After all these years, what would cause him to suddenly call the house and didn't he know that she no longer lived there? She was close to putting the phone back on the receiver, just ending the call right there because she wanted to react in many different ways.  
  
"Josh?" she breathed after contemplating whether she should speak or not. While hanging up was her first option, she didn't want to get off the phone either.  
  
"I-I just want to…" he tried to say, but fell silent.  
  
"You want to what?" she asked.  
  
He was still silent, but she knew he didn't hang up yet. He was breathing hard and muttering incoherent words. Since things weren't really going anywhere, she reluctantly spoke again.  
  
"Why…why did you call me?"  
  
When she asked her question, he spoke clearly again. "I shouldn't have done this. I-I have to go."  
  
"No, wait…"  
  
"I have to go. Forget I did this."  
  
Before she could say anything, he hung up and she leaned against the counter, dumbfounded.  
  
Cristi then entered the kitchen. "Who was that?"  
  
Hayley slowly put the phone back on the receiver and turned to her mother. "It…it was Josh Farro. He called, barely said anything, and just hung up."  
  
The familiar name made her mother frown and she walked up to her daughter. "Well, what do you think he wanted?"  
  
"I don't know," Hayley shook her head. "I really have no idea."  
  
How could he do that? He couldn't just randomly call up her house after three years and then suddenly hang up on her. It didn't make sense and she badly wanted to understand why this just happened. Why would Josh, of all people, just call like that and how did he even know she was home?  
  


* * *

  
The next morning, Hayley convinced herself to brush that strange phone call off. She wasn't going to let Josh affect her anymore because she knew better than to dwell on him. Last time he got to her, she almost gave up on Paramore and she wasn't going to let things get bad again. Instead, she woke up feeling refreshed, got ready, and made breakfast for everyone.  
  
Erica was the first one to walk into the kitchen. "Morning."  
  
"Morning," Hayley said as she placed the food she made on the table.  
  
"You okay?" her sister asked.  
  
Hayley just looked at her. "Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"  
  
"Because I overheard you telling Mom about the phone call you got," Erica said. "Did he really call you?"  
  
"Yeah, he did," Hayley nodded. "But he didn't really say anything. He just kept stuttering and hung up on me."  
  
"What do you think he wanted to say to you?"  
  
Hayley shrugged and went to get the dishes and utensils. "I don't know what he could possibly want to say to me and I'm not really worried about it anyway. I doubt it was anything important."  
  
"But what if it  _was_  important?"  
  
She stopped what she was doing and turned to her sister. Hayley then let out a sigh and sat down at the table. "Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. But like I said, I'm not going to let myself worry about it."  
  
Erica pulled out one of the chairs and sat down with Hayley. They just sat there quietly for a few minutes, Erica twiddling her thumbs while Hayley looked the other way.  
  
"Do you ever think about him?" Erica turned back to her.  
  
Hayley looked at the floor. "Of course I still think about him. I think about his brother, too. I can't just  _not_  think about them, you know. They were my two best friends and they were important people in my life. I can't just think of them as nothing. It's just, my relationship ended badly with them and he chose to leave me out of his own life. He's moved on, started his own band, and is doing what's best for him. Although it hurt me that he did that, I also decided to move on and do what was best for me. I'll always think of them. I'm just not going to dwell on them."  
  
"So are you really okay?" Erica asked again.  
  
"Yes," Hayley smiled at her. "I'm okay."  
  
They both got up and hugged each other, Erica smiling with her. She was telling her sister the truth and truly felt happy. There was no need for her family to worry about her anymore because she was focused on moving forward and improving herself.  
  
Their nice little moment together came to an end when the doorbell rang. Hayley let go of her sister and told her that she would answer the door. While Erica helped set up the table and went to get McKayla and Cristi, Hayley went to the door and opened it.  
  
When she opened the door, her smile immediately disappeared the moment she saw who it was. Her green eyes were met with brown ones and her jaw dropped. Right there, standing right in front of her was a familiar face.  
  
Josh's face.  
  
She walked out and closed the door behind her. Looking up at him, she just stood there speechless and folded her arms across her chest. The reason why she crossed her arms was because her hands started to shake again and she still struggled to make words come out of her mouth. Josh wasn't feeling any better than she did because his knees had that weak feeling again and he tightened both of his hands into fists.  
  
They were finally face to face for the first time in three years. It was already nerve-wracking for him when he spoke to her on the phone, but now that he was there with her in person, that brought it to a whole new level.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she finally said.  
  
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I-I heard you were in town and I just thought I could…"  
  
What was he doing there again? Oh yeah, it was because he listened to her new album and sat outside her house and happened to stare at her when she got home. Then he somehow ended up calling her home and failed to say a word to her, which led to him standing outside her front door.  
  
"I came here to talk to you."  
  
"To me?" Hayley raised an eyebrow. "Josh, we…you left the band and didn't want to have anything to do with me after that. Then three years later, you show up and suddenly want to talk?"  
  
Josh sighed. "Three years ago, I was angry and emotional and I know I could've said and done things differently. Hayley, I just need to talk to you. I know I'm the last person you want at your door right now, but can we please talk?"  
  
She stared at him with a blank expression and Josh had a feeling this was going to happen. Even in person, she didn't want to talk to him and he couldn't do anything about it except deal with her reaction. His expectations of her agreeing to talk were hit by the harsh reality and he just backed away from her. "I see you don't want to talk. I guess I'll just go…"  
  
He turned around and tried to quickly get out of there, but ended up tripping over his own feet and stumbled onto the grass. He hit the ground pretty hard and mentally slapped himself for being so clumsy. Not only did he hurt himself, but he also completely humiliated himself right in front of her and that was just another reason for him to want to disappear. This whole weekend just really wasn't going so well for him.  
  
"Josh," she had rushed over to his side when he fell and dropped down to her knees. He had fallen flat on his face and it was a pretty nasty fall, so she wanted to at least make sure he was okay and helped him up. "Are you alright?"  
  
"I'm fine," he brushed off the grass. "Thanks for helping me up."  
  
After brushing off most of the grass from his shirt and jeans, he proceeded to walk away from her, only to feel her hand grab his arm.  
  
"Wait," she squeezed his arm a bit. "You don't have to go."  
  
He eventually turned around to look at her again. Hayley let go of his arm and bit her lip, looking like she had something to say. So far, it seemed like all they did was stutter and have awkward silences. Though that was expected to happen between two people that had a lot of history together and lost contact for a while. If only it were easier. But when it came to their relationship, things never came easy. Maybe if Zac had come along with him, this would've been less difficult for all of them.  
  
No. He shouldn't expect things to come to him so easily. This wasn't going to be simple at all and he had to accept that. So he waited there until Hayley took a deep breath to speak up, wondering what else she would say that would cause another pang in his stomach.  
  
"We  _do_  need to talk."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to POG (passion orange guava), Hawaiian chips, and The Weeknd for helping me finish this chapter. Turned out longer than I expected and I hope I did good with how I depicted their loved ones. Also, thank you so much to anyone who has read this.
> 
> And to Hayley and Josh: Sorry for putting you guys through all these feels. #sorrynotsorry
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter! In the meantime, tell me what you think. Comments are greatly appreciated. (:
> 
> -Aliya


End file.
